


You don't have to (talk about it)

by thevaliantdust



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, OT3, Polyamory, byot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-05-01 05:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5193788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thevaliantdust/pseuds/thevaliantdust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keyleth and Vax are worried about Percy after the unthinkable happens.<br/>Post Briarwoods.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You don't have to (talk about it)

As it happened there was a guttural scream so full of pain that Keyleth felt her heart clench and she dropped in the middle of battle to her knees at Percy’s side. Around them the fight raged on, commoners locked in gruesome skirmish with the undead, their teammates- their family- taking on the larger foes, but for Percy it was done. She pulled his shaking form into her lap, cradled his head against her chest, as if by some miracle she could love him enough to make up for his unknowable loss.

It was only the briefest sensation of movement over her head that made her look up, in time to see Vax impale her would-be attacker, flinging him in heartbroken fury across the room. In the split second in which they locked eyes, she knew he felt for Percy as keenly as she did. A tiny nod to her and a fleeting look at Percy’s limp and vacant form was all he could spare before the next barrage of attackers. He dealt with them swiftly, taking up the position of protector around the two broken figures in the middle of a slowly ebbing tide of enemies.

* * *

He did not speak for days. Not as they reclaimed the castle he had once called home, not as a representative was chosen to watch over Whitestone in his absence, not even as they made arrangements for Cassandra’s body. He stood silent and unmoving while people talked around him, if he was present at all. Vax and Keyleth exchanged worried glances as they caught him staring intently- longingly- at the nooses still tied to Pelor’s tree.

His first words were on the journey back to Emon.

**No, thank you**.

Keyleth had to catch herself before she dropped the plate of food she was offering in surprise.

He did not speak again for the rest of the journey. He did not speak when they stood before Uriel to be pardoned. His silence almost seemed contagious, and it was a greatly subdued Vox Machina that arrived back at Greyskull keep.

Again, taking them all by surprise, Percy turned to them in the courtyard and took a second to meet each pair of expectant eyes. **I cannot express how grateful I am that you stood by me in my hour of need,** his voice, shaken and raw, revealed the struggle it was to speak even this small sentence. **I will be in my workshop-** he held up a hand to forestall any interruptions, **please, I do not wish to be disturbed.** He turned on his heel and walked briskly into the keep, leaving six stunned friends in his wake.

* * *

Vax was losing his mind. It had been 3 days and Percy hadn’t emerged from his self-imposed exile. A stealthy ear to the door confirmed signs of life but Percy didn’t seem inclined to join them for dinner- or any meal at all- and no one really wanted to be the one daring to enter his space uninvited.

And because Percy wasn’t eating, Keyleth wasn’t sleeping. She kept a vigil in the corridor leading to his workshop, staring at his closed door as if to open it with her willpower alone. Every time Vax caught her, she tried in vain to look like she was just passing by, but he knew. Everyone knew.

It was killing him, watching these two people he cared for, maybe even two people he loved- he stopped his thoughts before they could spiral into a mess of confusion and conflict like they had the last 100 times he’d tried to put a label on his feelings. In any case, defining his exact feelings for Percy and Keyleth featured pretty low on his list of ‘things I need to fix right fucking now’. Or so he kept telling himself.

On the 3rd evening since their return, it seemed everyone had found somewhere to be, other than the keep. He wasn’t naive enough to imagine it was coincidence. No one knew how to help their friend and being around the cold stone structure only served to remind them all of their failure.

He stalked down towards the workshop, determined. He’d given Percival time to grieve alone but he’d be damned if he was going to let his friend waste away because he was too shit-scared to open a door. He stalled in his stride as he rounded the corner and realised that Keyleth had obviously had the same idea. She was standing in front of Percy’s door, hand softly hovering as if to knock, but by the tremor working its way up her arm, she’d been frozen like that awhile. As he watched, her hand dropped to her side, shoulders slumping heavily as she exhaled a deep, shuddering breath. She turned away from the door, her watery eyes widening in muted surprise as she noticed him.

He held her gaze as she steadied herself, the emotions flickering across her face far clearer than he’d ever been able to read. He wondered if it was because at this moment they mirrored his own. After the longest moment, she walked towards him, a growing sense of urgency as she got closer, so that by the time she reached him, she threw her arms around him with some force. Knowing what she needed, needing it as well, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly.

He felt her dainty fingers twist into the fur lining of his hood, her head on his shoulder, warm puff of breath on his neck. One of his hands drifted to her waist, pulling her closer to him as the other began to gently stroke her hair. They stayed like that for what felt like forever but was somehow still too short. Keyleth’s breathing evened out and her fingers slowly released his cloak from her death grip.

**I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to help him,** she confessed in a whisper into his chest.

He knew the ache in her chest at that moment. Loosening his arms around her, he pulled back enough to see her face, lined with fear and doubt and a sense of responsibility she never seemed to shake. Forcing himself to be bold, he reached out and cupped her face, brushing his thumb along her cheek softly. He opened his mouth to spout something reassuring, encouraging, anything to lift this burden from her.

**I don’t know either, Kiki,** he breathed instead, shocking himself at his candor, at the way his own voice bent under the strain of keeping it together. Her hand came up to meet the one on her cheek and she gripped it, more firmly than he’d expected. She brought their now clasped hands down to meet between them and locked eyes with him, looking lost for words.

She shook her head as if trying to shake off an unwanted thought. **I can’t lose him,** she said, the tiniest edge of hysteria in her voice, **he’s hurting so much and I can’t make it better and I need to make it better, Vax, I couldn’t save her, what if I can’t save him…**

**Keyleth.** His words were a rock in the sea of disquiet. His hands grasped firmly at her upper arms, pulling her out of her panic.

**I love him, Vax,** she confided in him.

**I know,** he replied. She heard the words he hadn’t spoken. _So do I._

He pulled her in for another hug, arms wrapped around the top of her shoulders, a kiss on the top of her head. Before she had time to react he stepped back, reached for her hand and gently tugged her towards Percy’s room.

* * *

**Do we knock?**

They glanced at each other, hesitating, then reached out for the door at the same time. Noticing their synchronicity, Vax laughed under his breath and Keyleth smiled before gesturing for him to do the honours. A sharp knock, strong and clear, resonated in the hallway, met with silence.

Vax sighed, squaring his shoulders, ready to fight for this. He knocked again and waited. They could hear faint shuffling, and then, finally, a thick but familiar voice. **I’m busy.**

**Percy** , Keyleth called out, **we just want to check that you’re okay.**

**I’m fine.**

**Forgive me if I’m not convinced.** Vax’s dry tone seemed to affect a reaction in their target as they heard footsteps drawing near, and the door swung open forcefully.

**I know you mean well but I wish you’d leave me be.** Percy appeared dishevelled, eyes rimmed red, hair unkempt, posture defensive and guarded, filling the doorway and blocking the view of the room.

**We did, for 3 days** , Vax began. **And you haven’t eaten** , Keyleth continued, giving him a concerned glance, **or slept by the looks of it.** She reached out to touch his arm but he pulled away roughly, as if her touch would burn him. Perhaps he thought it would.

She tried to hide her hurt expression but both Vax and Percy caught it. Guilt evident on his face, Percy turned from the doorway, looking at the floor, shoulders high and tense. **Look, I’ll be alright, I just- I can’t be around anyone right now! I don’t want to talk about it!**

He began to pace further into his room, anger building with each step and each word. **Talking won’t change what happened! It won’t turn back time, or undo what was done, it won’t take back the hope I felt for the sister I lost a second time**. His voice was thick and he was barely managing to get the words out. **I can’t talk about it, okay, I can’t, so don’t- don’t ask me-**

He stopped talking as Vax, who had slowly followed him into the room, wrapped his arms around him fiercely, taking the weight of what would have been Percy suddenly falling to his knees. Instead Vax lowered him down gently, the two of them kneeling on the chilly stone floors. Arms trapped at his sides by Vax’s iron grip, Percy could only rest his head on Vax’s shoulder as the sobs overcame him. Softening his grip now that he knew Percy wouldn’t fight it, Vax became much gentler, stroking his back softly, murmuring in a soothing tone, **you don’t have to talk about it.**

Vax looked over Percy’s shaking shoulders to see that Keyleth stood just inside the doorway, obviously torn between not wanting to intrude on this moment and desperately needing to comfort Percy.

**Kiki** , he said softly, a slight head motion all he could manage with his hands wrapped around Percy. With all the grace befitting a druid princess, she shut the door softly and made her way, almost tiptoeing towards the two men slumped on the ground. Her hand shook as she reached out to Percy, but her light touch caused him to lift his head, looking up at her forlornly. She ran her fingers down his arm, reaching for his hand, and tugged softly, gesturing for him to stand. With Vax’s support he rose, and Keyleth lead him over to the haphazardly-made bed in the corner of the workshop.

Vax sat on the bed closest to the wall, gesturing for Percy to join him. He acquiesced, sliding along the bed to fit in the crook of Vax’s arm, laying his head on the rogue’s strong chest. Percy shifted to accommodate Keyleth as she curled up against his other side, arms wrapped around his torso. The three of them sat quietly in the workroom filled with overturned chairs and scattered papers, evidence of many outbursts of rage and pain, and found their breathing slowly meld into one. Each shifted slightly until they were comfortable, Keyleth nuzzling in closer to Percy, Vax reaching across to lay his hand over hers. Percy found his eyes drifting shut of their own volition for the first time since, well, everything. It wasn’t that the pain was gone, just that for the first time, there was something else there to soften it.


End file.
